What I didnt understand about getting a bilateral mastectomy...

Pretty much from the beginning I knew I was going to choose a bilateral mastectomy. This choice was difficult but seemingly necessary given my type of breast cancer. I wanted to do whatever I could to lessen my risk of recurrence. In my mind, I kept telling myself, this is the boob job youve always wanted. It wasnt and isnt like that. This is my honest and raw viewpoint. I am not here to discourage or change minds, just to inform and possibly shed light on what women with breast cancer go through.

 There were and are some things I didn't realize about this choice:

• Its not a BOOB JOB. They aren't the same. They do not sit or look like natural breasts with implants. When you have a mastectomy they remove all of your breast tissue. This leaves you with little to no fat in your chest area. Your cleavage is not the same...You will have liposuction to transfer fat to your chest to fill in some of the empty space.You can also have dimples (cellulite) from fat in your chest area. This hasn't happened to me.
• The fat doesn't always stay. I lost fat almost immediately. This will cause a dimple or indention. Which I stare at and hate. I have to have another surgery to fix it.
• You can flex your chest muscles. At first I thought this was funny. Now when I unknowingly flex or use the muscle I have a deformed appearance... Certain positions like a push up or plank you can see it. It makes me constantly aware of my "not normal breasts". When I am in a bathing suit I am very worried someone will see it happen.
• You may or may not lose your nipples. In my case I didn't keep them. This choice was very hard but highly advised because of the proximity of my tumor to my nipple. It bothers me everyday. You have the option of reconstruction and tattoos but as of today I haven't been able to get them done because of the $900 left of my deductible. 
• They are sometimes uncomfortable to lay on. I credit this to lack of breast tissue. I have to adjust myself to get in a good position.
• Running or jumping without a really good sports bra is not fun. I again credit this to lack of breast tissue. 
• If you are given the option of immediate reconstruction after mastectomy there is the possibility especially if you have had children that you will have pain due to thin skin. The implants are put in immediately and it hurts.
• If you don't choose immediate reconstruction: I was advised against this. You will be given spacers to inflate a new pocket in your chest. Think of them as saving a spot for your implants. I had mine for 3 months, filling them every week. This was so I could have my surgery before my deductible was changed back for the calendar year. They are not soft... They are hard and uncomfortable. Another downfall is that they are sewn to your chest wall and you can almost feel the tugging... You often find yourself asking for gentle hugs because you don't want to push against them. They are filled in a time frame decided on between you and your surgeon. To fill them they use a large needle, it looks like a Halloween prop no joke! There are magnets in the spacers that help the doctor find the fill spot. The needle goes thru your chest muscle (super fun) and fills the space with saline to build the pocket. My chest muscles jumped and twitched 90% of the time, so I did not look forward to the fills. Ouch!
• There is another form of reconstruction called the Dflap. They use fat from your midsection to create new breasts. A friend of mine had hers done this way and they look amazing! Ive been told that the worst pain from this reconstruction is in the abdomen because they surgically remove a large area and sew you back together. Think tummy tuck kind of?
• Sometimes you will feel pain or a weird numb pain especially if you had lymph nodes removed. I had them removed on my left side and on occasion I have this dull pain for days. You can also lose strength from the lymph node surgery. It may or may not come back.
• When you have the liposuction for fat transfer you don't feel much breast pain. You mostly look bruised wherever the lipo was done. That is where the pain is. Your breasts are mostly numb at this point because of the incisions. 
• It can be multiple surgeries. One to remove the breasts, one to place spacers unless you do it then, one to transfer fat, one to reconstruct nipples and lastly to tattoo new nipples. This isn't a for sure situation but one that people should be aware of... I was hopeful that I could get it done quicker but I didn't.
• It is a huge adjustment. I go thru ups, downs, regrets, and still cry about it. There are some days where I wish I could have my "mom boobs" back. Looking back, they weren't so bad after all! I thought I was gonna have these awesome boobs and its just not the same. But, I have to remind myself daily, that I did this to have to lowest chances of my cancer coming back. I have to remember why I did it in the first place. I want to be strong and positive but there are a lot of days I can't. Its a daily battle that I hope fades with time. This doesn't mean I shouldn't have done it, I just want people to understand what you go thru during and after. You will know what the right decision for you is, I just want you to know more details. 

If you are about to make this choice or you know someone that is, I hope this helps you. I went thru a lot from the beginning of chemo to now, alone.. People shy away when you need them. You learn very quickly who will be there and who wont, who you can talk to and who you can't and who you can trust. One thing people need is someone that will check on them and genuinely care!

XOXO,
Lundi

My story

I know a lot of you know that I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer.. Not many of you know the story.

I had been feeling tired, dizzy, my hair was breaking and thinning, and oddly my arms were falling asleep and tingling when in certain positions. I also had a sore "lump type" spot on my right breast close to my arm pit. I have a friend who had recently been diagnosed with BC in this same spot, so I was scared. I made an appointment with my doctor and he sent me for blood work and a mammogram. He didn't think the "lump" was anything but still wanted it checked out.  I left his office and immediately went for blood work! Im not sure why but I really felt like something was wrong.. I called and scheduled my mammogram right away. I had a bad feeling about the mammogram. My husband asked if he should come and I told him it was up to him. He came with me (thank god).

On the day of my appointment I went to Hill Breast Center like I would for a normal mammogram except I was like 5 years behind. When they asked for my last mammogram,  I couldn't remember when it was. According to them it was 2011.... Not good. They refused a single side mammo because I was overdue and had my doctor issue a new order. That took awhile so I was in the waiting room in that lovely pink robe forever. I was texting Derek the whole time, giving him the play by play of everything they were saying. Finally they called my name. I went in had lots of pictures taken in that torture device of a mammogram machine and was told to go sit in the waiting room again until the Doctor checks to see if the pics are enough. Well they weren't enough and I was called back for more pictures on my LEFT side. Wait this isn't why I came here?! I go back and do these special pics, where you have to hold your arm up for 5 minutes and at a weird angle.

 After that, They wanted to do an ultrasound. The tech checked my right side and then checked my left and was really focusing on a certain area, which I was now realizing existed..... She wanded my armpit and I asked her why. I knew what she was doing.... The doctor comes in and is so nervous that she forgot to put the jelly on the wand before she starts her ultrasound. She checks my right side and informs me that she sees nothing but she is concerned about an area on my left breast... I look at the screen as much as I can and I can see the cloud shaped mass. She tells me that it will need to be biopsied asap and asks me if anyone is with me today? I immediately started to cry... She told me that she could explain it to my husband if it would be too hard for me..

I could barely make it out to the waiting room before I busted into tears. I couldn't even speak, Derek was asking whats wrong? whats wrong?, I finally squeaked out the doctor said she would talk to him if he needed it. She brought us into this small conference room and brought up the image from a cyst removal I had in 2011 and compared it to the image today. She told me that the cyst was white and that the mass they see today as you can see is black. She blew up the screen and showed my these microcalfications. She explained how there irregular shapes and sizes and indicated irregular cell growth. She wouldn't say cancer but we could tell.... I scheduled my biopsy and left terrified.

On the way home I googled black mass with microcalfications. It pops up Invasive Ductal Carcinoma... I was convinced that was what my biopsy would show. 

The day of the biopsy I was so nervous but ready to get it over with. The doctor was very nice and explained to me step by step what she was doing. The mass was so hard that it actually bent the needle during biopsy. I barely felt any of it.. I asked the doctor 'how worried should I be?' and she said I think you have cancer... I asked her Okay what kind? She says Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. I told her that's what I thought too. I had been googling for days trying to diagnose myself or find another reason for this mass.... So after the biopsy she told me it would it take at least 48 hours for the results. 

That was a tough waiting period... I couldn't stop thinking about it. I got the phone call on the second day first thing in the morning!! I was so shocked I called the navigator at Hill Breast Center to see why I was getting a call from my primary care doctor. She told me that my results were in fact in but he wouldn't allow them to give the results.. He refused to give them to me over the phone so I had to make an appointment for that day for 1pm. When he walked in and told me the biopsy showed Invasive ductal carcinoma I wasn't surprised. I was convinced from the day of my mammogram that I had Breast Cancer...

I immediately was given an oncology navigator who was walking me thru all the steps to start treatment. She was really helpful. I was referred out for an MRI to a place called Precision Imaging.. Worst experience ever. They wouldn't call to confirm they received my fax for authorizations and never called to schedule as promised. It was a nightmare! T o thisday I havent had an MRI. It still bothers me.. In the meantime my navigator kept asking if I had chosen an oncologist. I explained to her that I was researching and getting referrals from friends and she was very persistent that I hurry that process... I didn't understand why at the time. I met with a genetics counselor who explained because of my age it would be wise to do genetic testing. I did the simple blood test and was told it would take two weeks for results. While I was there my navigator came to see me and opened this book for patients with breast cancer. She pointed to my type of cancer and said " this is why I keep asking you if you have chosen an oncologist" She was pointing at HER2 Positive. All I could see was AGGRESSIVE .... I was balling my eyes out.. How was this happening? How did I know someone that was diagnosed a month ago? How do I have an old friend diagnosed 2 years ago? Wasn't I too young? She explained that there were great oncologists in the building and she would check if they were available to see me and I was immediately was like yes please. An oncologist Dr. Vu would see me right then! I sat in his waiting room and prayed. I prayed for another chance, I prayed that GOD would not take me away from my daughters so young, I prayed for a cure, for a positive outlook to this disastrous diagnosis. 

Here is a small paragraph about my type of cancer: 

HER2-positive breast cancer is a breast cancer that tests positive for a protein called human epidermal growth factor receptor 2 (HER2), which promotes the growth of cancer cells.

In about 1 of every 5 breast cancers, the cancer cells have a gene mutation that makes an excess of the HER2 protein. HER2-positive breast cancers tend to be more aggressive than other types of breast cancer. They're less likely to be sensitive to hormone therapy, though many people with HER2-positive breast cancer can still benefit from hormone therapy.

Dr. Vu began to explain a course of treatment, the side effects, medications, etc and all I could do is cry... I was terrified. I was shaking uncontrollably. Derek asked him what my survival rate was and he said over 90%. That there are medicines that are now made to specifically target this type of protein.. I left that office exhausted, scared, relieved, and confused...He wanted to start treatment in a week! 

I honestly didnt understand that there were so many different types of Breast Cancer. I thought I would be like my friends. I thought I would estrogen or progesterone positive, I just didnt understand. .

This is why I decied to blog about my experience. There are sooo many people out there that have no idea how many types of breast cancer there are let alone the diagnosis/prognosis that comes with it. 

I hope these posts will help someone out there,

Lundi

XOXO

Crock Pot Meals

As most of you know I am a #gymrat. Which means I am in the gym 5 days a week in the evenings! This can be tricky with 2 school age girls..

So I decided to start making my meals in the Crock Pot. It has been the biggest timesaver and I thought I would start to share some of my meals with you!!

Today I am making chicken with turkey pepperoni, black olives, and diced tomato. 

First I put the chicken breast in the Crock Pot and cook all the fat off. 

After that I will drain out the fat and I either shred the chicken or chop it up and then I dump my other ingredients in. I will chop up the pepperoni into 1/4 pieces first. I season with onion powder and garlic. And I will sprinkle Italian seasoning on the top once I put it all in there. 

Thats it! I cook it on low for the afternoon and it is ready and delicious by the time I get home from the gym!

When its plated I will let the family pick a cheese if they want one. Im going for gorgonzola!!! 

For a side I will probaby make white rice. I come in from the gym and start the rice so that it cooks while i am in the shower. It makes everything so easy peasy!!

** I dont usually salt the food while its cooking. We try to limit the salt so if we want it we do it after:) MY FAVE TRICK: Use a standing mixer to shred the chicken breast for you. Put on your paddle attachment and let it shred away!

XOXO,

Lundi

What I've been up to lately..

Hey! I've been up to some new and exciting things lately, what about you? I have started a new small business making unique accessories. I make some limited quantity and special orders, so just ask! If you know me you know I am CRAFTY PANTS!

My business is called Little Honey Darlin Face. Whats that mean? It is a combination of the nicknames I called my two girls as babies! It has very special meaning to me:)

Here is my Facebook link: https://www.facebook.com/littlehoneydarlinfaceboutique

Here is my Instagram: https://instagram.com/littlehoneydarlinface/

I do have an Etsy store but I haven't added my newer accessories yet..

Have you checked out my stuff? If not, please do!

XOXO,
Lundi

Chickens in the City and Coop Building

Recently, we got two baby chicks. Their names are Honey and Coco! Honey is a Leghorn and Coco is a Golden Wyandotte. Originally we were told that Honey was an Americana but turns out no!!!! 

Coco is the brown one and Honey is the yellow.

Here they are now: 

We have finally finished building their coop and decided that we were going to make it out of re-purposed materials and spend the least amount of money that we could!! I researched coops on the internet and found some made from pallets. We started collecting pallets and slowly decided how we wanted to the coop to look. We knew that we wanted a nesting box big enough for 4, a swing and a pole for roosting, and a space to walk around in. We took apart the pallets and made the nesting area complete with door first.

I wanted easy access to get the eggs and to sweep the area clean! What do you think?? We decided that the nesting box would be a little over 18 inches wide and covered with a larger roof and closed in sides. It has a ladder inside that they can use to walk up. I shred up paper for bedding and put it in the nesting area. 

We made the total coop size 52 inches wide and 7 ft long. They love it. We used pallets, rope, a dowel rod and wood in our garage, a piece of plywood from my brother, and hardware cloth from our friends. We had plenty of concrete pavers for the floor of the coop too. The only thing we had to buy was hardware cloth, locks, and hinges for a total of $26!!!

The chicks are really enjoying there "new" house! They love to run around the yard and forage. They eat a ton of grass:)

Check it out:

Let me know if you have any other questions!

XO,

Lundi

Homemade Confetti Cake

Homemade Confetti Cake

Found this recipe on Pinterest today and it is pretty tasty!
http://www.pinterest.com/pin/23362491792414211/

It was very easy to make and the directions were easy to follow. Next time, I will double the recipe though because it was for 12 cupcakes and I made a cake but it was a single layer. The icing is super yummy.  I didn't have my own heavy cream so I had to make some.... EEK! It was a little scary but it worked.  I think this icing is by far one of my favorites. Its a butter-cream but not heavy like the usual. Overall, I really love the recipe so I will be making it again and in different versions. 

Here's the link for the heavy cream : http://www.pinterest.com/pin/23362491792417889/

Let me know if you try it! Good Luck :)

XO,

Lundi

NO BUMMER SUMMER: Magic wands, stick guns and sling shots OH MY!

Today's activity choice was making tools and wands from sticks. We collected all different sticks from two separate parks. They found all kinds of shapes and sizes!

Pinterest links:
http://www.pinterest.com/pin/23362491792183205/

http://www.pinterest.com/pin/23362491792183218/

This was a lot of fun for them. They loved looking for certain shapes and sizes.  We are also gonna make walking sticks out of some bamboo from Grandma.

Supplies needed:

Sticks!!

Acrylic paints

Imagination

Washi Tape

They painted and painted! I loved all of their hard work. They are very proud!

Look how patriotic their slingshots are!! They did it all on their own :) I love all the metallic and glitter paints they chose. Its fun to have such girly girls! Tomorrow we will put those slingshots to use.

Check back tomorrow to see our next adventure!

XOXO,

Lundi